We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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