go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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