Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
