It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
