It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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