finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
