wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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