Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
