take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Two words: nipple clamps
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