everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
