Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
