question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
soo... how was my night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
