dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
