i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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