just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it because I queefed?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
