You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
