google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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