I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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