I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
