I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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