put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
