i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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