Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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