Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
