And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
