I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
