the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
