I'm going to jail i love you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
