you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
