So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
