I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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