I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
