my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
