We're like a lot better than the average bears
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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