there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
