i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this just has baby written all over it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
