there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
