would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
