When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
