my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
