like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His nipple licking is glorious
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