More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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