Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
