So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
