Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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