is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
