I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
