so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
