i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
