Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you have feelings for this penis?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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