tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
