he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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